How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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