I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
