dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
