next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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