i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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