She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Two words: nipple clamps
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