I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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