He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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