I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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