i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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