not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
