I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
