he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want a musical about memes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
