I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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