tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize