Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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