i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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