i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
