You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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