on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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