cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
smell my finger.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
