You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
