i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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