im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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