just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
