could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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