dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
