I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
