Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
