I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
