Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
