do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize