he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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