Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
