i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she peed on how many people?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
