i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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