I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize