I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sext me about skeletons
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize