you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
