There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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