I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
