now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
