She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
