I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
