she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
