I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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