it hurts more in the daytime
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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