drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
