Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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