I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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