Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
