worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
