I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found puke in my bra..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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