oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
