i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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