She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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