he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
