i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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