i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize