Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
