ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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