Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
