Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He has the fingertips of a God
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize