As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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