In the future we'll all be gay
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
