I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
