While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
